Our image and our confidence…how they are intertwined
Written by Clare Allen for The Tall Wall.
Coming out of an 18 month work from home hibernation was a shock to my system in many ways. I am a coach, I know about change and the psychological impact it can have on us and yet despite this, I noticed I was feeling anxious about going into client’s offices and working face to face again.
So, I noodled (technical term!) on this for a while and tried to work out what seemed to be causing my anxiety. It struck me on the day of my first ‘in person’ workshop when I flung open my wardrobe to get dressed and realised, I just did not know what to wear…not only what would fit me (say no more) but what would I feel confident in? The only thing I knew for certain was my covid combo of jogging bottoms and a smart top was not the answer.
This felt superficial yet raised some questions for me. I wasn’t the same person I was before the pandemic. I didn’t want to be the polished corporate professional anymore, I wanted to be more individual, and I wanted what I looked like to represent me now and not an old me. But…. what did this mean?
How I looked on the outside impacted my confidence. That first workshop, I wore something completely ordinary and yet I didn’t feel right. I felt smaller that day and didn’t have the extra oomph I have when I know I look and feel right.
I was struck by the connection, for me, between image and confidence and figured I was not alone in this. So, I spoke to a good friend of ours at The Tall Wall, Maggie Killick who is a brilliant style consultant, and asked her what she was hearing through her work. Was she seeing people feeling more anxious and unsure about how they presented themselves? And, most importantly, what would her advice be?…
What are you hearing through your work regarding how people are thinking about their image as they return to working outside their homes?
So many of us are feeling an added pressure to return to the office new improved versions of ourselves. We had the time to reinvent, didn’t we? With this pressure brings so many questions: Is my current wardrobe still relevant? What does ‘smart/casual’ actually mean? How the hell do I navigate walking in heels again? We feel it shouldn’t take up so much head space – we managed it before but that seems like a lifetime ago. We need to give ourselves a break and realise these feelings are completely natural, no matter how senior the position in the workplace. Rather than seeing it as a pressure it’s far healthier to see it as a positive new start and make small changes rather than becoming overwhelmed by the pressure of undergoing a huge make-over.
And what do you see impacting people’s confidence?
“We need to be less critical - we didn’t all head off to a spa for 18 months – we survived a pandemic”
Unfamiliarity is having a major impact on people’s confidence. Whether in terms of people’s environment or in what they now need to wear. We have become so comfortable with our surroundings working from home: generally making less of an effort, getting half-dressed for zoom meetings, etc. The thought of getting dressed for the office and meeting people face-to-face now feels overwhelming. We suddenly need to give more thought to grooming, footwear, and clothing. Rather than seeing this as a chore we need to remind ourselves of the positive impact great clothing can have on our mind and body. Clothes not only improve our posture, our communication, and our confidence, but they have a huge impact on our actual performance. Numerous Harvard studies have proved it. So, when I hear people say “I don’t need to get dressed ‘properly’ I don’t see people” – it’s worth remembering that clothing goes way beyond what people see.
Weight gain is the other major issue people are struggling with. Most people I’ve been talking to have gained weight and feel annoyed and frustrated with themselves for doing so. We need to be less critical - we didn’t all head off to a spa for 18 months – we survived a pandemic, and it took its toll. What we need to remember is clothes create illusions they can make us look taller, broader, slimmer, create a waist, etc. Work on understanding your shape and how clothes can achieve this and see the difference it makes.
What advice do you have for people who would like to re-fresh their image?
There will be a temptation to throw out everything in our wardrobe and start again. Before taking this drastic measure - take a good look and pull out the pieces you love – those pieces you return to again and again to give you confidence. Now look at how you wear them and ways to reinvent them. If you have a great trouser suit that now feels too corporate - wear the pieces separately: the blazer with a midi-skirt and long boots; the trousers with a silk shirt and long cardigan; your favourite dress belted with ankle boots etc. Buy one or two pieces that will inject some new life into your wardrobe staples: a sleeveless knit that can be worn over a silk shirt or dress; a bold colour to clash with your favourite trousers or to create a chic tonal look of similar colours; a cool white shirt or a great new lipstick – whatever gives you that spring in your step. And on those days when nothing feels right on you (we all have them) wear your simplest outfit, and pay more attention to your hair, make-up, and/or accessories.
And finally, if there is one thing someone can do each day to feel great about how they look, what would that be?
Change how you look at your reflection in the mirror. Look at yourself as a whole rather than immediately zooming in on particular areas of your body you dislike. Nobody else views you in this way and neither should you. When you try on an outfit and look in the mirror, ask yourself: Am I in proportion? Have I created balance (top and bottom) in my outfit? Do the proportions work? These are the questions that will help you tweak your outfit to create a great hourglass (balanced) shape. These questions will stop you looking too top-heavy or bottom-heavy, too short and/or too square. It is all about creating symmetry which, trust me, is far more intuitive than you may think.
We hope the insights and advice shared above resonates and are helpful. If anyone would like to spend more time with Maggie a great place to start is an informal coffee or glass of wine to see if there is a connection and explore what she may be able to help you with. Having spent an immensely fun day with Maggie myself recently I know the power of having someone help you think through your wardrobe and how you want to look.
“A highly recommended style consultant who treats clients as individuals.”
Clare Allen from The Tall Wall was in conversation with Maggie Killick from maggiekillickstyle.com