Supporting lawyers returning from parental leave

Here’s what I notice in my coaching conversations: brilliant legal minds are writing devastating briefs against themselves, months before they’ve even returned. They’re finding themselves guilty of professional incompetence without a shred of evidence! It’s funny how they’d never accept such flimsy arguments in court, yet they're building entire cases against themselves in their heads!

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You might be familiar with the voice, that got you through law school, made you indispensable and landed you that promotion or place on the partnership track. Everything must be flawless. I must know all the answers. I must be strong. I can’t show any weaknesses. That voice might have served you well, until it didn’t. Now it’s whispering that the months away have somehow erased decades of knowledge and expertise. That the Partners will see through you. That you’ve lost whatever made you exceptional in the first place.

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But here’s a question worth sitting with: What if that voice was never telling you the truth about your worth anyway? We’re remarkably creative when it comes to imagining disaster, aren’t we? You've probably already written the script: forgetting critical precedents, not remembering a client matter or clients requesting different counsel. The full catastrophe! But notice something: none of this has happened. You’re suffering through a future that exists only in your imagination.

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So, what if uncertainty is your friend? What if not knowing how it will go is precisely what allows it to unfold in ways you couldn’t have scripted? The traditional advice sounds so reasonable: “You’ll get back up to speed.” “It’s like riding a bike.” “Trust the process.” All ‘head-level’ reassurances that somehow miss the mark completely.

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However, this isn’t really about competence. It’s about something parenting has quietly revealed that you are so much more than any single role you play. The “professional you” was never the whole story anyway and becoming a parent doesn’t diminish your professional self. It illuminates how much more there is to you. How real, grounded presence is your greatest asset, whether you’re in an all-parties negotiation or reading bedtime stories. What if that expanded awareness is exactly what your workplace needs?

1. You are more than your role: you’re not having an identity crisis but an identity expansion. You’ve discovered that “high-performing professional” was just one character. The depth, intuition, and emotional intelligence you’ve developed enhance your technical skills. You haven’t lost skills; you have gained new ones.
2. Presence is your superpower: nothing teaches you how to be truly present like a small human who demands your full attention. That skill of being completely here, reading the room, responding to what’s happening rather than your agenda translates into stronger client relationships.
3. You want to show up whole: maybe the real discomfort isn’t about losing your edge, it’s about finally wanting to bring all of yourself to work instead of leaving parts at the door. The thought of fragmenting yourself again, becoming “work you” and then “real you” everywhere else feels exhausting now.

1. Stop pretending it’s just logistics: flexible schedules matter. But the real support is in recognising that motherhood reveals capacities in those returners that you didn’t know about. The person returning brings enhanced presence, emotional intelligence, and clarity about what truly matters, which are assets any law firm would be lucky to have.
2. Create space for wholeness: Instead of rushing returners back to fragmented “work mode,” what about inviting them to bring their full selves? “How can we support you in showing up completely?” becomes more valuable than “How quickly can you fit back in again?”. Twenty minutes over a coffee will pay dividends in the weeks and months to come.
3. Value the full spectrum of skills: the deep listening skills parenting develops, the ability to prioritise and presence that comes from being truly needed by another human are exactly what effective leadership looks like. They’re not returning diminished. They’re arriving expanded.

The fear of professional failure? It’s just the old story trying to convince you that more of who you are is somehow less valuable. But you’ve already mastered the most complex project management role imaginable, looking after a baby. Be that on maternity leave or Shared Parental Leave (SPL). Everything else is just a different application of the same core competence.

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Law firms need to recognise that they don’t see all the parents’ abilities developing whilst on leave. Celebrate that parental returners are returning having been trained in presence, in reading needs, in responding with both efficiency and care.

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The question isn’t whether you can still do the work. It’s whether your workplace is ready for the depth and integration you now bring to everything you touch.

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What if instead of writing the script of your failure, you stayed curious about what wants to emerge when you show up whole?

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Ready to stop rehearsing disaster and start discovering what’s possible? Let’s talk about how coaching can support your return. Not as a diminished professional, but as an integrated human being with more to offer than ever before.

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If you would like to find out more about the work we do at The Tall Wall, get in touch at hello@thetallwall.com or find out more at www.thetallwall.com.